By Amber Rhodes
Have you ever loved someone so much it hurt?
Have you ever asked yourself, why?
Why do I love him the way I do?
Why is it I care?
Everyday I go through a list of questions,
I have come to a point that I no longer remember what it’s like to love in a way that a smile is always on my face.
Does it exist anymore, do people still fall in love and stay there?
Or is like everything I have seen?
You get so damn caught up in your everyday routine.
That you no longer see the person you married,
Just an image of a love you once knew.
It’s like two ships passing in the night,
You do your thing and I’ll do mine.
We raise our kids together ,
And we try to put on a happy face when we go some place.
But the truth is still there,
Our hearts are broken and in need of repair.
Have you ever looked in the mirror and asked yourself why?
Why am I here, what’s this place I have chosen?
Am I at the end of my road, is my future already told?
Don’t get me wrong, I love having a husband, children and a home,
But I guess I was hoping it would feel different then this.
I thought that we would be friends ,
And that our vows meant something.
But a friendship we no longer even have,
Making love has become more like a chore, a duty per say
It hurts so bad, when he takes what he needs and then rolls away from me.
What is a woman to do?
It’s not like he is hitting you?
He’s not cheating, or a drunk,
He goes to work each day, and comes home to you at night.
So why is it I still feel so alone?
Why is it even when he’s home.
We have shared a bed for many years,
But sometimes it feels like you don’t even know I am there.
This world is a cold hearted place,
I‘m not sure I am strong enough to face it on my own.
So I’ll wait until my kids are grown.
And each day I will do as I am told,
And I‘ll be there when you need a warm body to hold.
I will dance the dance ,
And play my role.
And hold on to my dreams at night ,
That one day when you look at me,
You‘ll see the woman you so badly wanted to marry.
I pray each night that God changes our hearts,
And heals our wounds,
And I pray that our love returns sometime soon.
Until then I will continue to pretend,
That I hold your heart still, and mine isn’t shattered and broken in two.
And I’ll pretend that I am still in love with you.
I try to forget those harsh words you have spoken,
And all those promises we both have broken.
When I get up tomorrow and look in the mirror,
I will try hard to see the woman I used to be.
Who loved her life and lived it to the fullest,
And dreamed of a future with the one that she loves,
I won’t shed a tear, cause that’s not really what I have here,
I ‘ll stay strong for my babies each day, And pray, pray, pray.
Maybe someday I’ll believe in love again.
One day those fairytales I read to my daughter at night, may come true,
And my prince charming with come through.
I pray dear husband that he is you.